THE PAUSE : special edition - 4 things that helped me heal

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THE PAUSE

it’s all happening

a story on depression

i’ve touched on my personal inner journey a few times on here, but i’ve never told you the scary realities of what depression or anxiety can bring to a young woman in her teen years into her 20’s.

i’m 33 now, but life didn’t always feel as light and as aligned as it does now. in fact, at the time, it was anything but.

how it started

i had a lot of disconnection from myself when i was younger. to be clear, i made sure to disconnect - to create what i then thought was more peace and ease in my life. i wanted to continue to distract myself with anything but healing and listening to myself - and i was successful at this for years and years (until 27 years old, truthfully).

the funny thing is, when we put aside how we’re truly feeling or experiencing (and we ignore it), it shows up again later in life, in many different ways.

the few ways that my own trauma (stories that needed healing) revealed themself again :

• panic attacks at 19 years old (groundshaking anxiety all day, every day for about 9 months - i was going through vertigo, overthinking, confusion, and loss of appetite - you name it)

• not having a clear direction in life, feeling completely lost for a decade

• leaning on unhealthy habits (like drinking) to pass the time and help me forget

• depression like clockwork every single wintertime (which knocked me off my feet for 2 weeks at a time)

• social anxiety for having believed a ‘story’ that i wasn’t good enough

looking back, i feel so much for the girl who was going through this all. i remember the milestones and birthdays when i wanted to be left alone - with my fireplace, gnocchi and wine in hand. staring into the flames and wondering why i felt so low, so bad, so down. ruminating on it all.

the moment it all turned

i’ll never forget feeling a physical unsettling buzz in my body that went on for over 10 years. almost like i was plugged into a circuit, jacked up on flight mode, and completely aware i was on edge constantly. through moments of uncomfortability with this edginess, and also through deep darkness; an awareness had come up - - ‘i know it is possible to heal this, i know it is possible to not feel like this every day.’

and so the journey began in 2020 (27 years old) - and i made a pact to myself to spend two days at home (on a self-proclaimed ‘solo’ retreat), diving into these feelings and beginning any way of healing. this was the beginning of opening up a much larger conversation with myself. lots of tears, lots of ah-ha’s. a lot of head facing downwards in a hot shower, letting everything go (snot included).

i subsequently adventured into more meditation, journalling, goal setting, energy healing, deep journeys in hypnotherapy, learning my intuition, getting certified in reiki… yeah, a lot of healing channels. (let’s put it this way: if you have a question about a type of healing, please ask - i’ve probably tried it/had an experience with it - however, no plant medicine, which i have some thoughts about i’d love to share)

the healing

my reason for sharing this today is to hopefully kickstart a thought in you : that you can absolutely feel better than you do now.

there is always healing to do, there is always something new to learn and process.

looking back, it hard to say what one thing felt like an awakening or an extreme healing - because so much of it has brought so many profound moments. here are a few things that pop into mind that i would recommend to look into:

• solitude journalling/meditating/healing course

  (through Insight Timer, SoulStrong, YouTube, or the intuition journal, OR ask me for how i create at-home retreats)

• shutting off your life for a full week and retreating

  (take a solo vacation into self)

• embarking on an intuition-led course

  (found here)

• deep hypnotherapy journey

  (my personal doctor is currently not doing hypnotherapy, but i have many contacts who are certified so please ask)

all of the things that led me here always found me. it came down to an innate need to heal and a desire to feel better than i did - and it has never ended. i am always seeking ways to heal through my physical and emotional body, and i love being able to share this with you all here.

for now, i am constantly learning. i make mistakes. i forget to take my supplements. i forget to take a breath. i drink. i spend money on clothes i don’t need.

i am constantly adjusting. i am walking in nature more. i am seeking natural alternatives. i am educating myself on the inner world. and mostly, i am focused on being the absolute best me i can be - and yes, my flaws are still coming along for the ride.

she isn’t perfect

fall always makes us want to shed layers; and even though it’s still summer (*technically* - and yes, i see you august) - the sharp twist in the weather outside always brings a renewal.

every week i have been writing about deep musings, perspectives, and how to expand yourself more - but guess what - i am shifting along with you all, and my desires on what to write and how to share all that i know is also shifting.

i’ve never thought of myself as even close to perfect (although you can ask my fiancé - i am very much right a lot of the time — ).

the acceptance of never being perfect, but wanting it quite badly, has pushed me to lean into learning how to fully let go. from this, the biggest lesson yet in my healing journey has been how to allow. 

here’s the top 3 things i have learned about letting go that will help you:

• know that you don’t always need to speak, and how to hold back words when you know they won’t be heard anyway (because the someone who is listening isn’t really listening at all).

• know that there is a moment you need fully let go - to stop trying and to completely become submissive to what the universe wants for you/has in store for you, and for you to stop pushing.

• know where your lane is - where your expertise is - and to accept when you don’t actually know anything at all (always)

the journey to allowing imperfection has led me to you guys, here, on this email - listening to your words, your desires in your own worlds, and to what is resonating.

because the truth is, we are all at a different stage of learning and healing - and we are the ones we need to show up for - ourselves. and perfection is in your own eyes and only comes from how you feel deeply about how you are showing up for your morals, values, and needs authentically.

an awesome find i didn’t buy this week

one of the pillars of the reign club is always feeling good about your energy output. one of the way we output energy is spending money - and we want to make sure that we do so in a way that is aligned.

for those of you that don’t know, i absolutely love ‘discovered value’ shopping.

what do i mean by this? well - searching the internet for the absolute best price for the desired (usually designer) item i adore.

i decided that i wanted to bring you the finds i loved, but that i didn’t buy (whether on mytheresa, ebay, poshmark, and beyond) and give you all the opportunity to snatch the goodies.

i searched the internet for 45mins so you didn’t have to. here’s what i found:

• the cult gaia lilia clutch (usually $550CAD, found for $409 CAD)

i know, she’s a beaut. this week i bring you : emotions and fashion.

something new

♡ something new that i am kicking off today is a facial yoga online course. many of you know how natural i am, and what i refuse to do to my face/body/etc - so i am finding the best alternative ways to refresh the skin, and look beautiful by also feeling beautiful. they say taking a facial yoga course gets you so deeply connected to yourself more than anything. i’m into it. will report back.

♡ something new that i want to share more of is everything. not just wellness, but all the other things that come with life. stay tuned with the reign club newsletter to see where it goes.

♡ something new i started taking 3 days ago is milk thistle. one of my intentions for this fall is to do a lot of healthy work for my liver / kidneys / gallbladder, and milk thistle is supposed to be amazing for the detox system and the liver. with my first pill 3 days ago i noticed a huge difference in my system - i feel like i may have actually felt my liver releasing toxins yesterday - does anyone know if this is possible??

if this edition moved you at all, send this to someone you love. or send it to someone that you were reminded of during this edition of the pause. 

rest until i see you next ♡

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